October 6, 2014

What's has been happening for us…

What’s been happening?

My fellow blogger, MY DEMENTED MOM, has not posted since the death of her mother. While I completely understand this, I have to admit, I am curious about what is happening for her and for her family at this time.

In our family, we have been in a holding stage, so to speak. My mother is still able to get up each day, she talks, she sits on her balcony and watches the world, she eats, she talks on the phone, she complains and she observes. She cannot walk and she laments this fact all day, every day.

My mother is in Hospice care. She has a head Hospice nurse who visits weekly. She has a Hospice social worker and a Hospice spiritual care counselor who visit often as well. My mother has a sister and two cousins who contact her frequently. And she also has a devoted nurse who lives with her and sub nurses who care for her when her nurse is off duty. In short, although she is in Hospice, she is very lucky. She is home. She has quality care. She has company. She is loved.

My mother is sometimes completely coherent, and, is at other times, the opposite. Alice says that they have been in Amsterdam for the past two days. Amsterdam? On the flight home, my mother tried to disembark the plane and climb out of her bed in her sleep.

A sub nurse, Rhoda, texted me today, worried that my mom was not okay. The Hospice nurse was equally concerned that her breathing was strained during his visit and relayed to me that she did not look good. When Alice returned, she reported that my mother was vomiting-and this is dangerous because of her difficulty breathing. “I’m worried that she could aspirate,” Alice explained.

Of course this would happen now. My mom has been fine for weeks and months, but tomorrow I am flying out of town for four days for the wedding of a dear friend’s daughter. Once again, I feel trapped between the obligation to support my dear friend at a special time for her family, one whom I have not seen for 20 years,  AND my obligation to be ‘here’ for my ailing mother, who has been failing for 30 years.

I thought I would visit tonight, a quick one before my flight. But I had laundry and packing to do, and since she was sleeping anyway after her terrible day, I decided to stay home and prep for my trip.

I hope this wasn’t a bad decision and I hope my mother survives this weekend.